Convergence of Chanukah and Christmas offers opportunities for interfaith families
What’s important, Rabbi Aaron Bisno said, is that interfaith families within the Jewish community “are living meaningful lives in the context of 21st-century America.”
For many interfaith couples, the convergence of Chanukah and Christmas on Dec. 25 doubles the opportunity for festive celebrations.
“Chrismukkah” also highlights how families of mixed religions can navigate their differences to create new traditions.
For Sam Jacobs, who is Jewish, Christmas Eve will include sushi dinner with his wife, Kristina, their daughter and his Catholic in-laws.
“It’s kind of a weird melding of two cultures,” mused Jacobs, 47. “It covers the Feast of the Seven Fishes, and it’s Asian, which is a very Jewish thing to do.”
The Jacobs family will spend Christmas Day with their Catholic relatives, and then return to their McCandless home to light the menorah and exchange a few gifts.
When the couple dated, and in the early years of their marriage, they explored where they would feel most comfortable worshipping together and eventually joined Temple Ohav Shalom, a Reform congregation in Allison Park. Jacobs now serves as executive vice president of membership, and their daughter will celebrate her bat mitzvah there in 2026.
While in their religious practices they “lean toward Jewish,” Jacobs said, they have negotiated an approach to a secular Christmas.
“Our house is decked out with three trees — which is three more than I’d like, but it’s fine,” Jacobs said. “I said I’d do lights outside as long as they are white and tasteful, but no blow-up Santa. It’s subtle.”
A menorah will illuminate one window.
Jacobs, who works in building industry sales, grew up on Long Island around non-Jewish maternal grandparents — his mother was a convert — but there was much less of a mash-up during the holidays, he said. “We’d travel to have Christmas dinner with my mom’s parents in Ontario but we didn’t celebrate Christmas in any way at home.”
In a further nod to this year’s Chrismukkah, Jacobs will be sporting a Chanukah-themed beanie amid a throng of Santa-hatted runners in the Christmas Eve 5K at North Park.
The Jacobs’ neighbor and fellow Temple Ohav Shalom board member Rebecca Mason, 44, married a man who grew up Baptist outside of Detroit.
Although Bob, 43, did not convert, he was fine with celebrating Chanukah but not Christmas, said Rebecca Mason, who was raised as a Conservative Jew. “He knew that I was definitely more observant than he was.”
They share Christmas with Bob’s parents every year, traveling to Michigan when their two children were younger and now hosting them in their Franklin Park home.
“For the past few years they’ve been coming to us, and so we get a small Christmas tree,” Rebecca said, “but we wait until the day before they arrive to put it up.”
The house is bedecked with Chanukah decor, including lighted window menorah, holiday-themed throw pillows, mason jars filled with gelt and dreidels. Rebecca will make latkes.
“We used to do a lot more when our kids were little,” said Rebecca, who works as a substitute teacher and is president of Women of Ohav Shalom. “There were years when we’d have Chanukah parties and invite both Jewish and non-Jewish friends.”
December doesn’t seem to present much of a dilemma, if any, for the growing number of interfaith couples at Ohav Shalom, Rabbi Aaron Bisno observed.
“They have successfully integrated the faith traditions from which they come, and created a hybrid expression of religion that makes sense for their families,” he said. “They have chosen to locate themselves within the Jewish community and feel very comfortable in their blended realities.”
Chanukah is not a theologically significant holiday, he said, noting that its religiosity has been eclipsed by a secular, commercial element. “Menorahs have become ubiquitous.”
What’s important, he said, is that interfaith families within the Jewish community “are living meaningful lives in the context of 21st-century America.”
That’s true for Steve Jurman, president of Temple Sinai and his wife, Jeanette Trauth, who decided when they were married 40 years ago by a rabbi and a priest that they would raise their kids as Reform Jews, but that Christmas would have a place in their holiday celebrations.
Trauth, now 71 and a retired University of Pittsburgh professor, grew up with five sisters in a Catholic family and attended Catholic schools, including the University of Dayton.
“Our kids loved getting Christmas presents and I think we might have gone caroling one year. St. Paul’s had beautiful music,” Trauth recalled. “We also lighted a menorah and made latkes.”
The year their son Beryl Trauth-Jurman was born, they decorated a tree. Trauth-Jurman is today a Reconstructionist rabbi in Blacksburg, Virginia, and Trauth has begun bat mitzvah studies.
Their Christmas observance amounts to time spent with extended family. This year when they travel to Cincinnati, Trauth will pack a menorah.
“There will be a tree and a turkey for Christmas dinner, but no ham,” she said. “The second night we’ll have salmon and I’ll make latkes.”
The couple’s children, including Rabbi Trauth-Jurman, also will be present.
“Christmas doesn’t carry religious significance for me,” Trauth said. “It’s actually a pagan holiday. For us, the season is about family, love and being together.”
Her mother was devout in her Catholic faith but not dogmatic. “For her, religion was about love,” Trauth said. “Beryl would tell you that it’s one of the things that inspired him to become a rabbi.”
Temple Sinai Rabbi Daniel Fellman expects there will be “a lot of cross-pollinating of holiday festivities in mixed households” this month and encourages couples to embrace their differences.
“I know families who hang Jewish-themed ornaments along with others on their tree, and I have seen menorahs that depict winter scenes,” he said. “I suspect there’ll be many families who’ll stand around a tree and open gifts and also light a menorah.”
Some people hold onto cultural connections when they marry outside their faith, he said, and others don’t. “What matters is that the holidays bring people together and foster kindness and giving, and that’s all for the good.”
Stephanie, 40, is Jewish and a stay-at-home mom to the couple’s two young kids. Abdi, 42, is Muslim.
They decorated their home inside and out with symbols of Chanukah, and while there is no Muslim holiday to fete in December, they included a lawn ornament of a crescent moon and star in a nod to Abdi’s Islamic faith.
In late February, when Ramadan begins, Kater will don a hijab when appropriate, join Abdi in fasting, and prepare the samosas of her husband’s Somali heritage.
“We try to create a united front as parents,” Stephanie said. “Our kids can choose for themselves as they get older.”
Because not everyone may understand the couple’s approach, Abdi said, they are building a foundation within their family “that lets us stand strong together,” while teaching their children respect for all religions.
“The celebrations,” he said, “are a way to spread joy to other people.” PJC
Deborah Weisberg is a freelance writer living in Pittsburgh.
comments