Ceremonies and service deliver pathway to Jewish adulthood

The entrance to Jewish adulthood has been marked for centuries. An interpretation of the Midrash, a nearly 1,800-year-old biblical commentary, notes that, upon Isaac’s 13th birthday, his father Abraham organized a feast attended by global dignitaries.

While coming of age in Judaism has shifted from parent-centered — centuries ago, a father simply delivered a blessing offering thanks for no longer being responsible for his son’s transgressions after age 13 — to child-focused, where young people often read from the Torah, deliver speeches and even undertake additional activities, the idea remains that the beginning of Jewish adulthood is a period for consideration and celebration.

Across Pittsburgh, spiritual guides and educators routinely meet with area youth, and parents, to prepare for the occasion.

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Rabbi Yisroel Altein, co-director of Chabad of Squirrel Hill, has enjoyed numerous conversations with families as they approach the milestone.

What’s essential to understand, he explained, is that according to Jewish law, the child — a bar mitzvah is typically celebrated at age 13 and a bat mitzvah at age 12 — is becoming an adult.

The sense of “responsibility” that arrives with this transition should be reflected in associated actions, he said. Jewish life is maintained communally and personally through repeated engagement.

“There should be a recognition that becoming a Jewish adult isn’t a single event,” Altein said.

An awareness of something greater than a ceremony is critical, agreed Cantor Kalix Jacobson of Temple Emanuel of South Hills. “When you meet with a young person, who’s 11, 12 or 13 years old, depending on the timing itself, you’re catching them in a very vulnerable spot,” Jacobson said. “The first thing that actually goes through my head has nothing to do with the bar/bat/b’mitzvah. I care more about making them feel comfortable with their Jewish identity.”

While the prescribed age for marriage is later — Talmudic disputes put the range between 16 and 24 years old — the arrival of Jewish adulthood coincides with the start of adolescence.

Development, for some young Jewish people, is furthered through a mitzvah project that often propels practitioners to undertake socially restorative actions.

“The whole point is that we want them to make a difference in this world as adults, so this is merely the first part of that lifelong journey of doing good things for not just the Jewish people, and hopefully the Jewish people, but also the entire world,” Jacobson said.

For more than a decade, Yael Eads, a youth director who serves Rodef Shalom Congregation and Temple Sinai, has worked with students on b’nai mitzvot and corresponding projects.

“Our priority is chanting from the Torah, being called to the Torah,” she said. A mitzvah project is “recommended and suggested,” but that doesn’t mean every student will perform one. What’s most important is that the child experiences a process “they come out feeling positive about, feeling proud of, feeling accomplished at the end. The last thing we want is someone coming out feeling frustrated and stressed out and sad and saying, ‘I never want to do that again.’”

Eads has seen students undertake projects tied to a parsha or a specific Jewish principle, like showing compassion to animals. She’s also seen young people address global issues, such as hunger, through local efforts, including encouraging others to support JFCS Squirrel Hill Food Pantry or Our Giving Kitchen.

“Wherever the kid is, we’ll meet them where they are,” she said. “This whole process is about becoming a Jewish adult.”

Facilitating a successful entrance to Jewish adulthood requires all parties — children, parents, clergy and educators — to cling to a common idea about specificity.

“Every kid is different,” Eads said. “If you are willing to meet a kid where they are, you’re going to see an outcome that is going to be greater than if you go in with an assumption of what you want this kid to do or be.” PJC

Adam Reinherz can be reached at areinherz@pittsburghjewishchronicle.org.