South Hills Grandfriends program builds friendship across generations

Two Mondays a month, preschoolers from Temple Emanuel in Mt. Lebanon trek to neighboring Concordia of the South Hills for a fun meetup with senior residents.

While decades — and sometimes a century — divide the two groups, the generation gap disappears as they dance, sing, craft, play games and tell stories together.

Now in its seventh year, Grandfriends is designed to enrich the lives of both young and old, and has delivered beyond expectations, said Shelly Schapiro, an educator at Temple Emanuel’s Early Childhood Development Center.

Get The Jewish Chronicle Weekly Edition by email and never miss our top stories Free Sign Up

“The kids learn empathy, patience and self-regulation, and they bring the grandfriends great joy. The grandfriends feel less isolated and more valued. They become vibrant.”

The program was conceived in the spring of 2019 by Jared Davis, a music therapist for Concordia, who wanted to foster intergenerational connections “and saw the physical relationship between Temple and Concordia as an opportunity to create something unique,” said Rebecca Closson, an ECDC music specialist. While the program was initially developed to “inspire community through singing, creative movement and simple instruments,” she said, “ultimately, music was just the vehicle for building human connection — learning about others who are different from oneself, sharing life experiences and creating new memories filled with joy, laughter and creativity.”

About 15 children, an inclusive class of 4- and 5-year-olds, take part. The grandfriends are age 70 and up. The newest, Annette Resnick, is also the eldest, having recently turned 103 — which was cause for a Grandfriends’ celebration.

“The kids were very psyched to meet her,” Schapiro said. “We’d talked about what we could do that would be special for her birthday and decided on flowers and a big card.

“She was overjoyed. Said it was her best birthday ever. We visited her at her apartment and then invited her to Grandfriends in another part of the building. She said, ‘Sure, why not?’ and she joined us.”

Resnick’s use of a cane did not seem to faze the kids; nor does seeing other grandfriends with walkers and wheelchairs, Schapiro said. “They’re very understanding. I can recall just one instance when one of our kids was frightened by a walker, and her own grandmother helped her work through that.”

The children are equally relaxed around a grandfriend with stroke-related limitations, Schapiro said. “They never said a word or asked about it. When we tell them to choose a friend, kids don’t hesitate to choose him.”

The same participant gifted the children hand-painted books in December. “He loves to watercolor,” said Schapiro. “The kids gave him holiday cards and so he made each one a little book with a gingerbread story attached.”

The program enhances the grandfriends’ sense of purpose and improves mood, she said.

“It’s a bright spot in our residents’ week,” observed Concordia marketing director Christie Whalen. “They adore the kids. You can hear their laughter as soon as they come through the door.”

Grandfriends Duncan and Stephanie Hughes are usually there to greet them.

“They’re a wonderful little bunch,” said Duncan Hughes, 83. “Some of us are not clear in our thinking or speech and they’re not put off by our infirmities. There’s a lot of personal interaction. Everyone has a good time.”
Hughes’ church donated pumpkins to the program last fall, to the delight of Quinn Kleinbaum, 4.

“We play games,” she said. “We get a pumpkin and try to toss a ring around it.”

Quinn’s mother, Kate Kleinbaum, called Grandfriends “incredible” on many levels, beginning with the walk to Concordia.

“It’s an adventure they get to have every other week, which is absolutely lovely,” she said. “Getting there is quite a hike and wonderful exposure outside the classroom. The kids learn about safety.”

At Concordia, each child receives the individualized, undivided attention of a grown-up, which is “very enriching,” Kleinbaum added. “And they are learning how to react in a situation they’re not often in — being in an adults-only area and participating in a formal way.”

Of Duncan Hughes, Quinn said, “I feel like he’s not old.”

Anderson Lutz, 4, has bonded with Maureen McFeeley, 82.

“He wakes up with such joy knowing he’ll walk down that hill to see her,” said his mother, Julie Lutz, of South Fayette Township. “Their interactions are very special.”

At a recent family gratitude party, Anderson, accompanied by his father, Adam Lutz, presented McFeeley with an orchid in pink, her favorite color.

“Her smelled it and really liked it,” Anderson said. “It’s her favorite smell.”

McFeeley called Grandfriends “a great program,” adding, “These children are the way all children should be.”

Lutz teaches at Temple Emanuel and said the preparation Schapiro puts into each visit is a key part of the program’s success. “Shelly talks with the kids beforehand about what they will see … what to expect. It’s a lot of work.”

The magic that occurs during the meetups reflects the children’s innate openness, Lutz said.

“They have an innocence and curiosity. There’s something unspoken in the respect they know to give.”

Although the meetups are scheduled to last an hour they usually go longer, and they have occurred without interruption all these years, Schapiro said. “During the pandemic, we Zoomed.”

“A lot of learning goes on and we’re rewarded again and again and again.” PJC

Deborah Weisberg is a freelance writer living in Pittsburgh.