More than a wedding day: Lessons from behind the clipboard

Some pro tips on planning a meaningful day

As a luxury wedding planner, I know that a wedding is never just a party. Long before the band strikes its first note or the chuppah comes into view, the planning process becomes a delicate negotiation of expectations, emotions and identities — between couples, parents, grandparents, and often across generations. After more than two decades working as a planner, coach, mentor, educator and occasional crisis manager, I have put those lessons into my first book, “From Behind the Clipboard: Lessons from a Wedding Planner.” Here are some pro tips that I share in the book.

Establish a “spend threshold” before beginning any planning.
Decide what the maximum dollar amount is that you are comfortable dedicating to your wedding costs. Also determine in advance how much you’re comfortable exceeding that amount, if necessary. Work toward making decisions that will allow you to stay within the set parameter. The “wiggle room” you have added should give you some peace of mind if you encounter any unforeseen expenses or want to make some decisions that increase your spending.

Work big to small.
It is natural to think of all of the things you feel you need to do at once, but thinking about it all at the same time is intimidating. Rather, break items down individually by creating a list. I love to make lists and have the satisfaction of being able to check things off as evidence of what I have been able to accomplish. Isolate the big items first and work your way down to small details.

Make decisions with intention.
Luxury, despite what many believe, is not about excess. It is about clarity and purpose. Some of the most elegant weddings are not the most expensive; they are the ones where couples can clearly articulate why something matters to them — why a particular ritual should be included, why a certain song is chosen, or how the guest list was created. If you can explain why you want something, you are far less likely to regret it later.

Create a wedding day timeline with a seamless event flow.
Avoid choppy and disjointed timing. When any moment feels like an abrupt or awkward interruption, it has the potential to create a poor experience. For example, make sure the ceremony flows directly into the reception without a long delay or time gap. Batch toasts together so several can be done consecutively when you have asked guests to be attentive, rather than trying to get their attention over and over again during the reception.

Expect your wedding to be “perfectly imperfect.”
Nothing is perfect and that needs to be OK. This is the best mindset to bring with you to any wedding or event. Your own wedding will not be flawless, either. While we certainly want it to be, there will be unanticipated things that arise and we have to adjust expectations and accept imperfection. Long after the dishes are cleared and the centerpieces are removed, what remains are the feelings and the memories. Don’t get so caught up in wanting everything to go perfectly on your wedding day that you forget to be present and enjoy it. Being present is what creates the be remembrance for a lifetime.

A wedding is not a performance to be judged but a moment to be lived. The budgets, timelines and carefully chosen details exist to support something far more meaningful: the joining of lives and families, with all the beauty and complexity that entails. If couples can hold onto that perspective — setting thoughtful parameters, making intentional choices, and embracing the perfectly imperfect — they will discover that the true success of a wedding is not measured by flawless execution, but by how present they felt in it and how deeply they connected with the people around them. Years later you will remember the laughter, the tears and the quiet realization that, for one day, everyone gathered in the same place for the same reason: love. PJC

Perfectly Planned By Shari is a full-service event production company based in Pittsburgh. perfectlyplannedbyshari.com